#Internlife: fear.

image: tracker.come

image: tracker.com

Maybe it’s because I live in the middle of nowhere Farmville, CA. Maybe it’s because my parents called today and all I could say was, “I’m exhausted from the week, but I miss you so much.” Maybe it’s the fact that I’m about to run the entire shift tomorrow and a part of me still has no idea what I’m doing. Or maybe it’s because I think I might have rolled my ankle and I wasn’t supposed to run shift until week nine of my internship.

Maybe it’s a combination of everything I just listed.

I can honestly say this is the most mentally, physically and emotionally draining internship position I have ever held. Some days, I’m kicking ass, while other days, I want to curl up in a ball and question how someone could possibly think I was even remotely qualified for this position.

As I sit in my apartment typing this post after a peaceful mass with an amazing homily, I can’t help but go into extremely deep thought of why I chose to accept this summer opportunity. They say everything happens for a reason, but what was the reasoning behind me leaving everything I’m comfortable with in Texas to venture out to Tracy, CA to intern with a company that will both build you up and tear you down all within the same day.

I like lists a lot, so naturally, I made a list of reasons. Every reason brought me back to one main theme: challenge. I guess it’s the combination of experiencing a variety of obstacles from a very young age that has made me the type of person to almost lust after new challenges. When I get too comfortable in one place and have learned everything I need to learn, I tend to get bored. I chose this opportunity because I wanted a challenge and damn, am I getting one.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. In fact, I’m filled with a whole lot of fear that maybe, accepting this opportunity was a mistake, that I will simply fail and that this summer was a waste. But then I realize that when a challenge presents itself, I can either attack it at full force or I can let it win – I don’t like losing.

I have four weeks left in this internship, then I’m returning to the land of Whataburger, beautiful sunsets and y’all. Until then, I will use the fear that is buried underneath to push forward. Amazon has this saying that when you hit a wall, you better climb it. I already hit my first wall and climbed it. I hope that’s the only wall for the summer, but if it isn’t, I will surely climb it again.

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