Weight has always been a touchy subject for me. For the majority of my childhood, I was always at a weight that was easily classified as overweight. By the time I reached the 6th grade, I was 5 ft tall and weighed in at 156 lbs. Somewhere along the line, I got tired of complaining about being overweight and decided to “transform” myself before I entered junior high. I began watching what I ate, avoiding foods high in fat, and working out on a daily basis. When I returned to school in the fall, I grew to be 5’2″ and weighed in at 125 lbs, which is a perfectly healthy weight. However, over the course of my high school career, that slim weight began to steer back into the direction of the chubby little kid I once was. By the time I reached my senior year of high school, I found myself 5’3″ and 146 lbs. Gaining that much weight within the course of four years frustrated me. To know that I had worked so hard and dropped the weight back in the day and couldn’t maintain it hurt. Not only was I out of shape, my weight was not because of muscle, but because I had gotten lazy and lost all motivation. Plus, the stress of applying and affording college caused stress/emotional eating.
So before my freshman year of college, I decided to “transform” myself yet again. I started watching what I ate, signed myself up for a yoga studio membership, and vowed to only give myself one day off a week without yoga or any other form of workout. Luckily, the hard work paid off and I was back to a healthy 130, with muscle. Throughout the school year, I was lucky enough to not gain the freshman 15. However, my weight did go up and down constantly throughout the course of the school year. I would put on the pounds, lose them, put them on again, lose them again. This summer I found myself putting on the pounds and not losing them,.
So here I am, back at square one. The frustrating part is that I know I’ll have to “transform” myself every summer. My life seems to be a never-ending cycle of diets, exercise sprees, and counting calories. A part of me wishes I had a fast metabolism like a handful of my friends that will not gain weight, regardless of the amount of food they consume. Trust me, I love food – eating it, cooking it, everything. But indulging is something I cannot partake in like my peers. So here I am, dieting and exercising like a fiend again.
I’ve been watching what I eat for basically every meal for the past week. The one good thing that comes out of dieting again is that I somehow come up with new healthy recipes. For dinner yesterday, I had whole wheat bread with melted low fat swiss cheese, spinach, and grilled chicken. I drizzled a little bit of low fat italian dressing for a hint of flavor.
On top of everything that I already have planned in my daily schedule, I take a little time out of the day to browse through recipe and motivational blogs to remind myself why I’m on this journey to begin with. Not merely to lose the weight I’ve gained this summer, but to remind myself why I need to remember to have a healthy life in general to keep off the weight. I know part of it is genetic, so it’s not my fault, but part of it is late night Wendy’s runs during the summer.
For lunch today, I threw together an egg white omelette with cubed tomato pieces and spinach. To add a little more substance and fool my body into believing I’m eating more, I added a few pieces of celery.
I know what you’re thinking right now. “You’re Asian, Asians are all thin.” Although that is true for a good percentage of the Asian population, I do not fall into that category. In order to maintain a healthy weight and be in shape, I have to work at it – just like the majority of the population. I am not blessed with an amazing metabolism.
This is going to be a long journey, yet again. The scary part? I move into my first apartment in about a week and I’ll have to fend for myself. Which means, when I don’t have time, part of me will want to resort to the donuts lying on the counter, rather than prepare a decent healthy meal for myself.